Namaste Bitches!
1. Yoga Is Not A Sport
Just because you can do a handstand in the middle of the room doesn’t mean your are any more “yoga” than others in the room including those people that made a wrong turn and wondered into your class instead of the beginner’s class. Yoga is not a sport. Sure, Bikram’s movement wants yoga in the olympics but come on ! Did you really think that Patanjali was thinking about getting a gold medal for a superb downward dog?
2. Not All Music Played In Yoga Practice Requires Sitar
We are in the USA and I think it is ok to play some music that doesn’t have Sitar. We should not feel guilty listening to some rock or other types of music during class. Just don’t play country music. I think one day I will play Iggy Pop. I think it goes good with yoga actually. Check this out.
3. Drop The Yoga Voice Once In a While
Ok, I know some of you like to put on your best yoga face and voice on the yoga mat but haven’t you noticed that some people have a chronic case of yoga voice. What is yoga voice? It is when someone speaks softly and pauses about every fourth to fifth word and draws out certain words. A lot of yoga teachers have this affliction. Here is a perfect case of yoga voice. I found this video funny as this yogi is talking about the power of the word “F*Ck“.
4. Your Boyfriend Or Husband Would Rather Be Watching ESPN
How many times have you seen the woman who decides to bring her boyfriend or husband to class? LADIES, DO NOT FORCE YOUR BOYFRIEND OR HUSBAND TO TAKE YOGA WITH YOU. The guy is usually struggling through the poses wondering when the class will be over. In some cases, the guy becomes all too eager to come to yoga. Careful, in the end he may not be interested in Namaste but more in T&A. Maybe he would enjoy this class?
5. If I Place My Yoga Mat Next To Yours, It Doesn’t Mean That I Am A Perverted Sex Crazed Guy
Time and time again, I have noticed that sometimes I will place my mat next to a woman and she will make some sort of facial expression and ever so slightly move her mat that small 1/4 inch away from me. I would understand moving a foot away or half way across the room but 1/4 “? Did I just invade someone’s personal space? I guess the 1/4 inch will give her that extra room during sun salutations. Well let me share something. While it is true that men think about sex and picking up girls, I actually go to yoga class to “do yoga” and my intent is not to “do you.” I actually respect the practice and my fellow students as well. Not every guy that goes to yoga is a creepy perv like Ogden.
6. Yoga Is Great For Health But It Isn’t The Cure All Everything
I will be the first to say that Yoga has helped my health incredibly but I often see yoga teachers and others in the community state some pretty bold health claims. Backbends may make you feel better but that are not a cure for male pattern baldness. Some Swamis even claim things such as yoga can cure cancer or AIDS. Eastern medicine is very helpful and evolved but there is also a time and a place for western medicine too. I choose the “middle way” and use the best from both.
7. You Went To India And Now You Know All The Answers To The Universe
The Zen master Linji once said “If you meet a buddha, kill the buddha.” The loose interpretation of that statement is that if someone announces that they are a “buddha”, they probably are not. Ok, India is a great country and someday my credit card rewards will allow me to get a ticket to go there but I don’t think that India is a model for how we should live in America. Sure, your short experience at the ashram was probably fantastic but it was just that. An experience. India has a rich and ancient culture but we have to look at everything. Indian culture also has a caste system which has oppressed many of its people. You might also want to think about how traditional Indian culture treats women and this whole “bride burning” thing.
8. Yoga Was Made By Humans For Humans And Not For Dogs, Parrots or Chimps
Yoga for dogs is just silly. Let’s get serious here. Take Rover out the park or to the beach and play some ball. Rover already is “present” and close to God by design. It is just us funny humans that need to get into pretzel poses on the yoga mat to find enlightenment.
9. Yoga Is A Business Just Like Any Other
Let me clue you in on something. Your local yoga studio, whether it’s a little tiny studio or a big chain like Yogaworks, exists to make money first just like any other business. Of course, that is not their only motive but it costs money to have a clean yoga studio with decent teachers. Any endeavor for growth is not free. It usually requires commitment of time, effort and money (in this country). You should always reward your spiritual teachers whether that be through gifts or thoughtfulness to them. While being at an ashram at India may not cost as much as a Yogaworks membership, you are expected to honor your teachers through service or praise.
10. Your Prius Is Just A Car And Not A Statement
The chic thing in the yoga community is to have a Prius. Don’t get me wrong, I like the Prius and hybrids in general. When they make one that looks cool then I will get one. However, some of you just take this Prius thing way too far. Finally, Prius owners need to keep their attitudes in check. Not everyone may like it.
